Tuesday, June 10, 2008

My Daily Conversations with the world -or- Why New Technology Sucks

Alarm Clock: WAKE UP!
Me: I'm up.
Alarm Clock: Okay.

Me: Shower, I want some hot water.
Shower: Okay.

Me: Car, turn on and go that way.
Car: Okay.

Me: PocketPC, turn on.
PocketPC: Zzzzzz...
Me: PocketPC, turn on!
PocketPC: Zzzzzz...
Me: --Click--
PocketPC: Hey! Where's my memory card! I'm up! help!
Me: --Click--
PocketPC: There it is! Yay!
Me: PocketPC, check my e-mail.
PocketPC: Oh. It's you again. Here you go...


Me: Laptop, turn on.
Laptop: Okay...Hey look! I'm gonna make the screen all white! Isn't that cool?
Me: No. Turn of the monitor and turn it on again.
Laptop: Okay. LOOK! White! Wheee!
Me: Turn of the monitor and turn it on again.
Laptop: Please login.

Me: Printer, please print this document double sided.
Printer: Okay. Here you go!
Me: These aren't double sided.
Printer: I don't know what you're talking about.
Me: Try again.
Printer: ...
Me: PRINTER! ARE YOU THERE?!
Printer: There is an error. Something about paper. Or toner. I think.

Me: Microwave, cook my lunch.
Microwave: Okay.

Me: Windows, open this application.
Windows: Go away I'm busy.
Me: Windows, open this application!
Windows: I can't hear you.
Me: OPEN THIS APPLICATION!
Windows: Oh! You want me to open this application three times? Here you go! Here you go! Here you go!

PocketPC: Hey! You have a voicemail!
Me: A voicemail? When did someone call?
PocketPC: I have no idea.

Me: PocketPC, open this file.
PocketPC: What file?
Me: The one on the storage card.
PocketPC: I don't what this "storage card" is you speak of. I only have something called "Storage Card 2"
Me: Well, isn't it possible that the file is on there?
PocketPC: No. That's impossible.